Commitments

I find it interesting how the mere thought of  a commitment makes me want to run for cover.
I am still working on my next 90 day workout challenge and with that comes commitment.
I have already committed to 365 days of Yoga and wanted to maybe do kickboxing again.
I have done it in the past and enjoyed it. Add to that the calorie burn is one of the highest for time spent and you get cardio and muscle work at one go. I walk by the gym as I go to yoga. Its a block away from my home.
So whats the issue?

 I tried to convince myself it was the money. You have to buy a 6 month membership and I have a gym.
Maybe I could forgo doing Yoga at the studio and then............
Its interesting and really friggin tiring going thru this exercise all the time.
Truly I hope this year will bring me some closure on some of this stuff.
I will be doing Yoga at the studio and I will buy a 6 month membership for the KBing.
I spend far too much time at home as it is. The wallflower needs to hang up her  post.
As I write this my heart rate accelerates, really we are going out into the world.
It still amazes me just how much control depression has had on me.
I live in fear. Fear of things I have no reason to fear.
This will be the year. I will force myself to do all the things I think make me uncomfortable.
The truth is that avoiding the things I fear only make it worse and generally with no reason.
My fear of not having enough money is so great I refuse to open my bank records  or look at my receivable status for work.
I have spent the last week worrying that I may not have enough money for next week Then I get a call from the office saying theres a cheque for me.
Hmm I think thats not possible, I will go and see but expect it to be wrong.
Well it was not wrong and I have plenty left in my receivables for months.
Most time my fears are completely unfounded and I know that but they overwhelm me. I would rather worry than check. I have to phyc myself up and bargain as to when I will check.
I must remind myself that this is depression talking and not the real world.
That other voice that spends so much time with me is not my friend and it does not know more than I.
I wonder if its possible to kill that voice. I do plan to find out this year.
365 days of freedom. Thats the plan.