Giving thanks or thanks giving

Holiday weekends always brings things in my life to a very slow pace. Its the one time I can expect few if any phone calls or need to be concerned with work.
The interesting thing in my life these days is my ability to simply slow down. And not freak out in the process.
So much has changed, I have evolved so much this year its a bit weird to look at it all.
I know exactly what I was doing this time last year as I was finalizing an offer on a million $ property.
I was many things that day but slow and calm would not be descriptive.

I marvel at how I am or rather at how I was.
Example, I lost my phone last nite. I returned from the gym about 630 and around 8 I went looking for it.
Not in my gym bag. I assumed it was in my car or possibly left a the gym.
I did not even bother to go and check.
Once upon a time I would have not even slept my OCD/ADD whatever would have kicked in and my brain would have began the internal chatter that would have become more derogatory as the night wore on.
Even this morning when I could not find it in the car, no freak out. Went for coffee and simply knew I would have to go to the gym and find it.
The end result was it had fallen beside the seat and when I checked BEFORE driving to the gym, there it was.
I have come to the conclusion that its the NOISE that keeps us crazy.
When the noise stops for long enough you can finally think clearly. Daily, not just once in a while.
I wonder if the noise would ever have stopped it I had stayed with the drugs.
I suspect they mask too much and therefore you cannot work at the quiet.
Its taken me 2 and a half years to get to quiet. Many days felt like one step forward, 2 back.
Now its a slow sure climb to normal.
Thats what is so weird about how I think now. Its all so normal.

Now..a revelation

I get today what is different and what I have been doing.
Some months ago Lillian and I discussed living in the now.
More to the point that I was not and had not been for some time.
Something happened on the NY trip and my brain is still trying to sort it.
Likely it was being around grounded people who love in the now. Total immersion in Normal.
I don't think many realize the total isolation in which I have lived. Part of the isolation is simply in my mind as I have daily interaction but these were not taking place in the now.
I realize that sounds confusing but today it makes my life make sense,
No matter what I have been physically doing I have been mentally removed from it.
Really a big aha moment.
It was in everything I do.
I did not get my office settled because I might not be staying, I would not spend the money in case I did not make more.
It goes on and on.
Until:
I lost weight, made money,met someone,took a trip..................
The point is everything in my mind was on hold.
So even when I was doing it I was removed from it.
I was aware that I thought this way on some things, I had no sense that I did it with everything.
No time to finish this now but its the key.
c

Day 5: Paradigm Shift

Its all good. Scale is still moving. I know that this week will be a bit more dramatic but it is certainly getting me through the early days which are the hardest.
Mind you, given how I feel maybe it does not matter. I am in the right mindset and simply need to stay there.
Today was spent on internet and business. Lots of time wasted but it will sort itself out.
I have decided not to go away in August  and  wait.
I have to find my cruise certificate this week. If we can do BVI or any carribean destination then thats what I will do. Then Whistler FF in Dec and Miami in March. I will leave any late Dec/early Jan plans and maybe do a last minute one if I can find something. Hopefully Dana will be fully employed and looking for a short get away.
I love resolution.
I am coming to terms that I am a planner. If I don't its just too difficult for me.
The odd thing in that is I have always resisted plans.
I really am a study in making life as difficult as possible.
I feel I have experienced a Paradigm shift returning from NY. likely as a result of the week in NY.
Have I mentioned how fortunate it is to have such great friends?
I need to prep tonight and get my workouts started.
Hope every one has a great week

Day 4 Why did these seem so difficult?

Amazing what a shift in thinking does.
Here I am on Day 4 and not any bit of a struggle.
I so do not get why I get so wrapped up in food. As Rachel likes to say, its not an Emergency!
When we were in NY, Dana spoke about defining herself as some one who does not eat bagels.
The point is that how we define ourselves is how we act.
Since returning home I have been pondering that and reinforcing it in my thinking.

Day 3 of Getting it DONE!!!

So I wanted to start the HCG protocol when I returned from New York. For some reason my Dr would not write the script and I have not had a chance to speak with her or the pharmacist. Apparently there is a Doc coming to Winnipeg in Sept that is familiar with the protocol so rather than purchase off the internet I will wait and see.
In the meantime I am following the diet. The HCG is supposed to help with the hunger on the low cal but I do not feel any real hunger so I think its time to simply stick it out.
I actually stepped on the scale this morning so that tells me I am ready to face it.
I go thru periods of not being able to face what I have been doing. This tends to lead to more eating.
Done with that!
Essentially I am on a 500-600 cal diet of Veg/Fruit/100g of chicken and Melba toast. Pretty simple and I have always been good with repetitive eating so no issue for me.
I have 25 lbs to lose and just sticking with it will get me there in 60 days. Really 60 days I can do that.

New York and Neil Young

No Neil Young was not in NY, well at least not while I was there.
I just returned Monday from a fab 6 days of play with 2 of my bff's.
It was Rachel's birthday last Thursday and I had promised to go. Dana was convinced to join me and there we were, in NY.
Best idea in awhile.
I love NY.
Rach and I saw Wicked the first night. It truly was amazing. I have seen a lot of Broadway shows I have loved and this is one that may go to the top of the list, If you have the chance do go.
Thursday was a more lazy catchup and then Rachel , myself, charming husband Gary and her youngest Daniel attended a Yankees game.Hot sunny night and they won the game, I just wish I had thought to take binoculars so I could have looked for famous faces behind the plate.
Friday was into the city to pick Dana up. King tut exhibit, lunch and a visit to Rachel's Guy....Alec the jeweler.

You do not want to know the damage this wrought!!
Later evening was Sushi and drinks in the living room.
I forgot to mention we stayed at the W in times square. We really liked it. Being central had a great advantage, the room was huge by NY standards and you could check your email, get a drink and the staff were great.
The computer is set by the check in desk and the purpose is to do a quick check and go.
The first night we went there was a young woman playing on Facebook and we were, really??
Well the next night I get there and am waiting and waiting while this other woman is using Friend Finder.
I am like come on the intent is not to be on it all night. Next thing I know she is checking porn and escort sights and then starts shopping for "attachments".  I finally went to the desk, the poor staff they were Uggg.
They did get the manager and then security. Honestly we were just Really, you think this is appropriate on a public computer where every one can see you. Ahhh New York, gotta love it.
Saturday was as visit to the Statue and Ellis Island.
The evening saw us in the Village, dinner at Lupa and then we met Gary and Rachel at the Comedy cellar.
Sunday we got tickets for Promises Promises, did lunch, shopped a bit, back to the village for dinner and then off to the Glass House for drinks of which I had too many.
Monday morning I was sick as a dog but Gary had opened shop early for us so off we went.
Both Dana and I have PS that are good but Gary is Great. If you can make the trip to Manhattan you will not be disappointed.
Needless to say, yesterday was spent "resting". but I did go and see Neil Young in the evening.
Magnificient and worth the effort.
What an incredible 7 day adventure.