71/27/1

Today was health task day. Had an appointment with my Dr for my shots before I go to Thailand.
Aside from Hep A/B I had to have Tetnus/deptheria plus a shot for Typhoid. Apparently Thailand is hi risk for Typhoid. She also insisted I get a H1N1 and seasonal flu shot. Given the length of the flight she really felt it was best. 
Fortunately it was a rest day for Workouts. All the shots were inter muscular and I am very sore tonight.
It's a good thing I went today because they are starting to run out of virus and are going to restrict who can get it.
Nutrition was 100%. Tomorrow is Reload, first one in 10 days. I have been on plan so I am hoping for some numbers moving closer to the next decade.
The rest of the day was filled with some other followups and an eye test.
Glad to have it all out of the way.
I am working at cleaning up all the little things that need done.
Really we put things off that do not have a high impact but do cause stress simply because we do not get them done.
I plan to have every possible thing done before I leave.
In exactly 4 weeks today Dana and I will have spent our first day in Thailand.
Its starting to feel real and I am sure the excitement is going to start to build.
Reload exercises tomorrow. Its a more intense workout. It will be interesting to see how it feels this time.
Till tomorrow

-72-28and 1

I preferred u as a zero but I love you just as you are.
We really are getting to countdown time here. Our trip to Thailand becomes more real everyday.
Very exciting. It also ups the anti knowing we will be in bathing suits soon..yikes.
Well a lot can happen in 28 days.I have every intention of being in the next decade by the time I get off that plane.
Man I don't know what it is about this LP program but now that I am 3 weeks in ouch!! I can really feel it. The exercises are quite different and the end result is once you know how to do them correctly they really do work you.
Another 100% day. Went out for dinner and managed to stay on plan. I had the talk with myself before I went. No way at this point I can cheat myself. Way to close to 'kini time.
Still crossing things off my list.
All good here

-73-29-0

Truly surreal that we will be in Thailand in less than a month.
I am having a great week. The things that need doing list is diminishing daily. I did 2 things today I have been putting off for a year. Staying on top of things is a major discipline. It forces the focus and keeps the depression at bay, all good.
So another 100% day. I was thinking tonight as I dug in the fridge for veg for stirfry how much I am coming to hate veg.haaaaaaaaaaa....children.....yes we are.
The most deceptive thing about OPT/remix is the workouts. They seem so benign and then by mid afternoon my lats and shoulders are screaming.
Thats all for tonight.
Hope everyone is having a great week.

-74-30-0

Well another 100% day. This program is really boring food wise. Its odd that I think that.
The only difference is that I do not eat oatmeal for breakfast and I did on occasion have a wrap at lunch, so its not that big of a difference. Haa I laughed as I wrote that. Maybe its the little cheats that kept it from being boring. That certainly tells me I really must have been indulging more than I admitted to myself.
Its also funny to think I miss oatmeal.
I am however putting my complete faith in the program and simply carrying on.
I have been bouncing around too much with nutrition and that is why I have not lost the remainder of my weight.
I think woman need to be really careful buying into the body composition fat versus muscle.
Yes there will be occasions where this happens but I think if you have 10% or more of BF to lose you should not buy into it. I did and then simply sold myself that I was not overeating.
I have maintained the weight loss but truly should have been done by now. So strict adherence to nutrition is certainly number 1.
So today I reorganized my laundry room. I have been unhappy with it and finally put some more thought into it. I have been at a loss as to why I did not finish up some of this stuff.
I moved last October and did a lot in the first month but nothing after that.
I know realize it was the "winter depression" and then I started RTP in March and that became my focus.
I really hate clutter but have also accumulated a lot of stuff.  Stuff thats too good to throw out but..........
So again I was throwing as I went. If I have not used it I do not need to keep it.
I am very happy with the result of the laundry room and I managed to use what I had rather than buying more...sigh. I have some really wasteful habits.
The thing that I am happiest about is I managed to make room for the ironing board to remain set up and the garment steamer has its own home. I like the effeciency of just doing 1 piece of ironing. Before I always felt having to haul everything out to be a pain.
Its silly I have tons of space for one person and still seem to have stuff that has no home or is inconvenient to get to.
I just have to tackle my office now and I will be done.

Hard to believe but I am on week 3 of OPT /remix. I am hoping for a serious downward spiral of these last pounds.
And Ms Rachel, our beloved 0, soon you will be tackling your last 10 so do not be quite so snappy with the responses.
Focus my friends we have some shredding still left to do.

-75-31-0

I am going to keep the 0. Rachel is a big fat zero and she is staying that way. Zero Cancer.
So the scale seems to be cooperating but I may be speaking too soon.
I spoke of this to both Caz and Dana and have reached the following conclusion.
The real reason the last 5/10/15 lbs of BF is so much harder to lose is discipline and drive.
When we had 30 lbs to lose we had no issue remaining 100% compliant.
Now we all seem to indulge in "harmless" mini cheats and assure ourselves we are "entitled".
Seems to me that same Entitlement is what got us to needing to lose weight in the first place.
Its amazing how we all eat clean 95% and then allow ourselves that bit that takes us away from the goal.
Well I am going to be on the beach in 31 days and time as they say is of the essence.
So no cheats or wavering. 100%
I remind myself that in less than 75 days I will be at my goal weight and can move to maintenance.
So why do some seem to lose that 5/10 easier....Discipline.....sigh
I am feeling better, my little crash was just a need to see I guess. Its all a learning curve.
So 31 days at 100%....Wohooo....I will be so glad to say goodbye to this muffin top.
Have a great and productive week
C

Eshet Chayil :Rachel

Gratitude: Something we should feel and acknowledge daily but likely do not.

I am filled with gratitude today.
Rachel is out of Surgery and all looks extremely well.
Did I mention I am grateful, and relieved and grateful and feel more like crying than ever but these are tears of relief.
Last week both Rachel and I made promises. She promised Max she would be fine and I promised her she would keep that promise.
It was a promise neither of us was willing to break.
I am grateful we will not have to.
I want to say I am grateful for the friendships that we all have formed.
Jace,Dana.Meri,Juli.Caz and Helen.
We do not need to e-see one another daily for the friendships to endure.
Grateful that my life is better and that all of you have a role in that.
Grateful, really really grateful that Rachel is OK and we can now torture her into her Bikini.
Grateful for continuity
To my friend Rachel, I know this is traditionally spoken by the husband but there is so much of you in this.
A Woman of  Valour


Eshet chayil mi yimtza v'rachok mip'ninim michrah


An accomplished woman, who can find? Her value is far beyond pearls.



Batach bah lev ba'lah v'shalal lo yechsar

Her husband's heart relies on her and he shall lack no fortune.



G'malathu tov v'lo ra kol y'mei chayeiha

She does him good and not evil, all the days of her life.



Darshah tzemer ufishtim vata'as b'chefetz kapeiha

She seeks wool and flax, and works with her hands willingly.



Haitah ko'oniyot socher mimerchak tavi lachmah

She is like the merchant ships, she brings her bread from afar.



Vatakom b'od lailah vatiten teref l'vetah v'chok l'na'aroteiha

She arises while it is still night, and gives food to her household and a portion to her maidservants.



Zam'mah sadeh vatikachehu mip'ri chapeiha nat'ah karem

She plans for a field, and buys it. With the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.



Chagrah v'oz motneiha vat'ametz zro'oteiha

She girds her loins in strength, and makes her arms strong.



Ta'amah ki tov sachrah lo yichbeh balailah nerah

She knows that her merchandise is good. Her candle does not go out at night.



Yadeha shilchah vakishor v'chapeiha tamchu felech

She sets her hands to the distaff, and holds the spindle in her hands.



Kapah parsah le'ani v'yadeiha shil'chah la'evyon

She extends her hands to the poor, and reaches out her hand to the needy.



Lo tira l'vetah mishaleg ki chol betah lavush shanim

She fears not for her household because of snow, because her whole household is warmly dressed.



Marvadim astah lah shesh v'argaman l'vushah

She makes covers for herself, her clothing is fine linen and purple.



Noda bash'arim ba'lah b'shivto im ziknei aretz

Her husband is known at the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.



Sadin astah vatimkor vachagor natnah lak'na'ani

She makes a cloak and sells it, and she delivers aprons to the merchant.



Oz v'hadar l'vushah vatischak l'yom acharon

Strength and honor are her clothing, she smiles at the future.



Piha patchah v'chochma v'torat chesed al l'shonah

She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the lesson of kindness is on her tongue.



Tzofi'ah halichot betah v'lechem atzlut lo tochel

She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.



Kamu vaneha vay'ash'ruha ba'lah vay'hal'lah

Her children rise and praise her, her husband lauds her.



Rabot banot asu chayil v'at alit al kulanah

Many women have done worthily, but you surpass them all.



Sheker hachen v'hevel hayofi ishah yir'at Hashem hi tit'halal

Charm is deceptive and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears God shall be praised.



T'nu lah mip'ri yadeiha vihal'luha vash'arim ma'aseha

Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.
 
Have I mentioned that I am really grateful you are through Surgery and all looks well??

-78-34-1

So today was better. Ha I almost feel like I am bi polar. It is weird to feel yourself sliding and then the next day not so much.  That in itself leads to some of the self doubt people with BP seem to have in abundance. You wonder if you over dramatized how you felt the day before. You did not but it is such a swing of moods that it is quite unnerving.
I attended a new Ballet last night. The Royal Winnipeg Ballet compamy is very accomplished and world renown. This was  Moulen Rouge. It was interesting. I think new ballets are tough given that they are up against some that have been around for decades.
I decided to just let my body sleep this morning and did  not get up till 10. A bit shocking but my go wear shows I slept not drowsed so I must have needed it.
I am following OPT remix with no difficulty. The workouts seem too easy but I am simply going to work the  plan as written. The focus is on Nutrition and fat loss and the workout portion is to maintain lbm and encourage fat loss. No point in doing a plan if you refuse to trust it.
The nutrition is very basic and very boring but it is only for another 78 days and certainly I can give myself that. Plus in 34 days I will be off plan for 10 days in Thailand. Dana and I both feel the same way. We will eat clean for our basic meals and the evening meal will be dependant on where we are at.
I also think that there will be lots of opportunity to eat well without being extreme. Drinking of course will require plenty of daytime activity to burn those additional calories.
Hard to believe that soon we will be laying on the beach.
-1. One more sleep for Rachel. Her surgery is tomorrow and she will be home by dinner.
I will be so glad for her to have this behind her. Given that her MRI was clear I expect clear sailing for her from here.

Have I mentioned I f**kin hate Depression...Crashing

Ahh my friend depression, here for a visit.
He's a sneeky SOB. It takes me awhile to realize thats hes back in my life.
Part of that is denial and part is that well, likely I have lived with him so long I do not always realize that normal has become abnormal. Well my new normal has become abnormal.
Confused??? Welcome to living with Bipolar.
Its a disease or affliction and I like to pretend I can control it. I can't but I do get to pretend for periods at a time..
The problem with depression is that its depressing to have to deal with it. No I am not trying to be funny, that statement tells you how blah I am.
So where did it start. Well its always there but certain things keep it at a distance. Nutrition, exercise, engaging with people....my sad lamp.  I am coming to think my SAD lamp is not all that effective.
Or at least is effectiveness is limited.
When I started using it in September I certainly noticed an elevation in mood and my sleep patterns got better. I expect that the big win for me is what it does for sleep.
I have been really struggling to wake at 7. Its been feeling next to impossible and as per usual I have been having that little negative chatter in my head about lazy individuals named Cindi.I am antsy, bored I called it. Its not boredom. Edgy, this I thought was a reaction to a few things going on. No, I have been overreacting to a few things going on because of the depression. A few too many bitch paranoia sessions of late.
Latent fear that upon examination makes no sense.
Hes back and he has been living in my house for a month and I simply refused to acknowledge him.
Things I learned to see today:
When I say I am bored it means I am depressed.
When I am lazy it means I am depressed.
When I am paranoid it means I am depressed.
When I make a million dollar sale and am not excited about it it means I am depressed.
When my business is firing on all cylinders and I am not excited  it means I am depressed.
When I have a new client waiting for an evaluation and I have not done it in 6 days it means I am depressed.
When I have difficulty getting tasks done it means I am depressed.
When I feel like curling up into a ball and crying like a baby it means I realize I am bipolar and this SOB will live in my house whether I like it or not. I am not in control and I never will be.
The fact that I sit here and cry as I write this means I am depressed.
The fact that its October means that I react in the season. Maybe I am not quick cycling.
The fact that I want to say I am tired and do not want to deal with this means I am depressed.
This will pass, so will the feeling that I get why people with depression kill themselves.
Its a life sentence but everyday is not that bad. I need to remember that.
I don't have this. I thought I did, no I hoped I did.
I write this to remind myself that there are days like this and maybe weeks but I am stronger than a disease.
Its like a wave crashing over my head and dragging me down. Ahh yes I am crashing. I get it .
It took me till 2 in the afternoon to get to the gym today. It really did not help. I think I needed to do more.
I must try that. I must remember this is just my brain messing with some chemical reaction. Its not real. I have no reason to feel bad. I have nothing but great things happening. I am going to Thailand.
I have my business and finances under control. I have my weight under control.
Its just a little rip tide and I simply must not panic and slowly swim back to shore and sanity.
I can. Its scary how this feels. Being aware makes it more difficult in the short term but makes life balanced in the long term.
I knew this time of year would be tough. I was right. I just need to find a way to cope with this.
I need to make some serious plans to live somewhere there is sun. I don't think I can manage this here. It may simply be too difficult.
Coping skills for the winter for this year will require a plan. I can do that. I have done 6 months well. I will learn the skills I need. I will be more vigilant. I will find a way. I will.
I will.

2 more sleeps for Rachel and then her Surgery and then she can put the worst of this behind her. Her MRI was clear so its good, all good.
You are an amazing woman my friend. Keep writing, keep strong.

-80-36-3

Yikes 36 days and we will be in Thailand. It seems to be coming very quickly.
So I am in my second week of OPT/remix.
  I had 2 days of back to back reload. Really bizarre to be eating this way.
I chose not to step on the scale for this last 2 days and think I will wait till Friday to see the "reload" result. I know its all about long term but..... Old habits do die hard.
10 days till my next reload and I have  a suspicion that I will realize some hard core results in that time.
I think my body is primed to respond it just needed a program that I would follow to the letter.
Given the fact I am truly at my last 10/15 lbs and that I have increased my LBM I do not see how I cannot.
So 10 days of go hard. I am going to increase my walking again and plan to reincorporate my nightly yoga. 36 days is not a long time to be beach ready.
This whole trip feels very surreal. I guess because its a  bit spur of the moment and I have no pre expectations. What is wierd that its not weird is that this is the first time I will actually be meeting Dana yet I feel like I have known her forever and that does not feel weird...see weird

In relation to my bipolar I have to say getting up at 7 is a chore. Its interesting how the change in season brings this on. I am using my SAD lamp and doing all the things I should but my brain does not like it.
I had a course to attend today and it was a major struggle to get up in time. I had wondered if I was just being a bit lazy but no its a real reaction.
For the most part its not a big deal if I do not get up till 8 but it is interesting to observe the change.

3 more days for Rachel. She had an MRI today, highly stressful I imagine.
I find it hard to be at such a distance from her. I wish I could go and make her a cup of tea and have a good cry.
This is just so hard for her and Gary plus the kids. I think of them all day.
Hug GF.....

-81 -37 -4

Well the scale is moving in the correct direction. So I am on day 9 of OPT/remix.
My first reload. Several things happen on reload. You essentially do a double lifting session and you eat a 20% surplus. The big thing with LP surplus is that you eat fat and focus on Hi GI carbs.
Truthfully it caught me unprepared. I do not keep starchy carbs in the house and certainly not hi GI.
I enjoyed my bagels immensly.
Is so interesting to be on another program and find yourself in that place of trusting the person who wrote the program. A little bit of blind faith. I am not great at it but I am moving through it and giving the program 100%.
Lots of days off on the program as well. I kind of like it. I am doing a max program and it feels like a vacation.
So Rachel sent me an exerpt from the article she is working on. It was great. Emotional but that was to be expected. She writes with a terrific perspective.
So much happens and only the extreme gets spoken. Especially now with reality TV and all the drama that people seem to desire. What some of these people would do with real drama.
MRI tomorrow, I forgot to ask  R if you are claustrphobic. I hope not.
Dana and I have our contest till Nov 1 so Rachel you have a pass till then.
Nov 2 we expect to see your beautiful self bikini clad.
Its an ugly process but you are going to be fine and you will keep that promise to your children.
I wish I could take just a bit of this load from you but its not to be.
4 days till Friday, almost there.
C

-82 -38 -5

Thats 38 days to Thailand in case you are wondering. Well the results for the week are very good scale wise.I am down 5.6 lbs. My scale does seem to jump all over so what the exact number is no matter its going in the correct direction.
Dana has started LP's OPT/remix so we are on the same program which is really great seeing as we are our 1/1 accountability partners Also impossible to lie to one another cause the proof will be in a bikini
in 38 days. We have started a few mini contests so make us fly all the way thru the next few weeks.
Contest one is 5 lbs by Nov 1. So we both have 2 weeks of 100% and a 1000 cal deficit ahead of us.
We send each other weekly bikini and scale shots......ha keepin it real....yikes.
We ran through the plans again last night. I have a full week on the program on her but no matter. Its about our run till Thailand and then the  final weeks till Xmas.
Dana's surgery is the week before xmas so its extremely important she build as much strong muscle as she can. Needless to say her running will not be happening for the first year post surgery and lifting will be a careful process. The good thing is her days will no longer be filled with pain.

So Opt remix is our next 90 days. well 82 for me but no matter.
I like the discipline of the program. It was time for another 90 days of 100% for me. I think its important to be able to get yourself back to that point. Its so much about personal commitment.
Even when you get to your goal weight and maintenance I suspect a 90 day program at full compliance once a year will go a long way to maintaining terrific results.
We work to hard to accomplish this to let less than great become a lifestyle.
There is something to be said about the newness of a program and not being exactly sure what the next day brings.
Tomorrow is a refeed day for me. I quit refeed months ago under a so called "experts" advice.
Funny my weight loss has stalled since then.
So I am happy with my strict guidlines with refeed thrown in every week. The workout are varied and quite interesting. They look unsuspecting on paper but once you see the demos you realize you are in for  something a little challenging.
-5 is for Rachel. 5 days till her surgery and all clear. I will speak of nothing but that. On friday the Dr will come out of the operating room and tell Gary, we got it, she will be fine.
Almost there Rach, breathe and stay strong

-84

Well I missed blogging for a few days but no matter I am still on track.
The scale keeps moving in a downward direction and that makes me happy.
Dana and I were discussing where we were on our weight goals the other day.
Obviously that fact that we are going to be on the beach in less than 40 days kinda brings up the fact we need to get at it.
My weight has fluctuated around the same number for  months now. Certainly I can see some change in my body but truthfully since I quit doing RTP and started Turbo my weight loss has not been great.
So it is time to step to the plate. I still do not put too much creedence in the scale but I am at the starting weight from when I got my go wear. It was exactly 2 months ago and 1 month ago I was 1.4 lbs less so a tune up is required.
I have continued to work out and eat clean but not clean enough to move the weight.
The point of all this rambling is that to lose weight I need a regimented program. I need to write down every calorie and focus on it. The small off plans may not cause me to gain weight but they certainly prevent me from losing.
And then there is the added side affect of eating the wrong foods, well wrong for me.
Sugars and carbs do nothing for me. They heighten my level of anxiety, make it more difficult for my body to try and balance my brain plus they add to the issue of my weight.
Interesting. Interesting that I still consider eating them. It reminds me of smoking. Knowing its harmful but doing it anyway.
I ponder this as I watch Rachel struggle with her health issue. Really I think, how difficult is for me to stay on track when I do not have anything but minor stresses in my life.
We all say we want more, to be more and to live better. Truly its no wonder we struggle to reach these goals when we lack the willpower to not eat candy.
It reminds me of a conversation Rachel and I had when she was on vacation this summer. I said we were like children. Haaa she responded children with crack habits.
Really, I am so deprived in my life that I need to eat ice cream or whatever the heck it is.
I just wonder at all the silly self sabotoging. I have dealt with huge issues and stresses in my  life and know this is the big challenge?
Why do we have such a tendency to manufacture stress into our lives.
I need to ponder that and remove it from  my life.
I have the simplest life one could have, why do I continue to make it complicated.
And finally the important stuff, Rachel.
Her surgey is a week today. Truthfully she will feel better when its done and her life is simply a series of getting through the days till then.
Tonight they tell the children. I know you all feel as I do reading that. There are some things in life you would spare a person if you could. This is certainly one of them.
So keep our dear Rachel in your heart, thoughts and prayers. And if you have children, do something special with them tonight and as you do, recall what you are not facing.
Rach: stay strong GF.
C

-87

Well my body certainly has a strong reaction to this new program. Small changes but I can feel it.
Today was an off day and I am sore enough that I was glad.
As well my body is struggling with all the protein and veg ruffage.
Its been a long time since I have done a nutrition program like this and have forgotten.
I was telling Dana that you really do not feel hungry when you eat that much protein.
So I ate today but less calories and subsequently a little less protein.
Listening to your body is alwways the best.
I had a lovely long email from Rachel.
She really is doing well and staying strong. Her surgery is the 23rd of this month so thats good.
I think the waiting can be the worst. She has had 3 opinions and they all agree. Its early days and they have caught it as quick as it could be.
I have no fear the she will not be fine physically but the toll this takes emotionally is another matter.
She said today she felt reenergised and was weaning herself off the ice-cream. If we share nothing else our drug of choice is Ice cream....
Tomorrow I book my flights. I was able to track one down for the correct dates.
Very excited. Its still fairly surreal. Its not a trip I had ever planned to take and likley that will make it one of the best.
A freind of Dana's who lives in Thailand is joining us as well.  We will be staying with her in Chiangmai for 3 days. I love the fact that she is local.  We will get so much more out of the trip.

So tomorrow is yet another day of differerent trainind and nutrition.
It really is great that there is no way to settle into a rhythym. I suspect its the kick I needed at the moment. I have been much too complacent.
Dana and I both intend to be in a different weight decade by the time we reach Thailand.
Those beaches look amazing, I can hardly wait
compliance
10/10
30/30
100%

-88.....

So here I am 200+ days of training and its amazing how changing a program can have such a great affect.
Really 10 wks of RTP, 10 of Turbo and 8 of muscle and 2 days on Leigh Peeles OPT/remix and I am sore everywhere.
Really I would not have thought it possible.
After all the touting of how hard,superior a certain others program is I am surprised at what her innocent little program is doing to me.
Plus I have been doing Insanity for 4 weeks.
It certainly is good to know that my muscles can be challenged as I beleive this will merit great growth.
Due to the nature of her program it is also impossible to become complacent. There is rhyme and reason I am sure but I know not what.
Whats great about this is I must check my nutrition and  workout daily.  Every day is different and I beleive this will keep me highly focused on what I am doing.
So any fear I had of not getting a great workout and continuing to build LBM is gone and the nutrition demands that you pay attention so success I feel is mine.
I am really looking forward to blasting this fat off.
I just may buy a bikini after all.


Conpliance
10/10
20/20
100%

-89

Well it worked well the first time so I will use the reverse numbering again.
Today was day 1 of full accountability. I even dowloaded the old RTP form and will complete them daily.
Enforced compliance seems to be required and so today I begin just like I did 203 days ago.
Daily I will record my food and activities. plus pictures etc. The good thing with this program is that everyday is different so I cannot get complacent. Like RTP it changes every 4 weeks as well.
Plus I must be bathing suit ready cause....I AM GOING TO THAILAND.
I sold a large property today, one that allows me to book my trip without worry.
I am so excited to see a part of the world
I have never seen and to be seeing it with Dana.
Needless to say this is a great PRW....bathing suits and cameras! I have a lot of work to do in the next 45 days.
I have a great feeling about this program. Given that my LBM has certainly increased from day 1, I am hoping my body simply loves it and starts to drop the fat. I need a whoosh. It will be great to see all the muscle I have worked so hard at developing.
Until tomorrow

Compliance
10/10
100%

90 days plus 12

I decided to begin a new training program today.
I have been enjoying insanity and muscle but really don't feel that I am getting the fat loss I want.
Given that following RTP for 100% did give me what I needed and likely the best fat loss results following a distinct program just makes sense.
So today I begin Leigh Peeles 90 day OPT/remix.
Its a fairly extreme program but I think extreme is called for.
In one of the chapters she suggests this may be the last " fat loss" program needed. I like the sound of that so if 90 days of extreme gets me there I will be very happy.
I will resume using Insanity and muscle/turbo as mixed maintenance training once I am done.
I certainly have been maintaining so that presents no problem.
I suspect to blast the final 10 or so lbs does require a more extreme approach or a ton of patience and time.
I would really like to finish the year out by reaching my goal weight. Plus its time.
The other side is that I am intending on joining Dana in Thailand in just over 6 weeks there is no time like the present to get some of this remaining BF off. Although I will only be 1/2 way through and leigh does not suggest taking a break well, we just won't tell Leigh.
Eating well in Thailand is likely not a problem but I do no see drinks on the menu so well............
This program is designed in such a way as you eat certain types of food to correspond with your training.
There is no way to tweak it and that is a good thing, at least for me.
Plus the timing is great for some major discipline.
I have struggled this last week and know that it is the haze of depression.
As the days get shorter my body reacts. I am using my SAD lamp but that alone is not sufficient.
My sugar cravings have increased and I have indulged them on occasion. This is not a good thing.
Sugar is my biggest enemy I suspect. Its not  the calories but the affect it has on my brain and body.
Interesting this nutrition plan only allows for starchy carbs on reload days so that should help with this sugar business. I think that complex carbs start me down that road.
90 days takes me to Jan 1 so again a great time line. I will just do my best through my vacation and keep on going. I think stopping becomes just that, stopping.
Plus the point of the vacation is to see a different country and spend an amazing time with Dana. Its not about eating. The first days of the vacation will be difficult but I imagine there is a gym at the resort so no reason to not do a quick workout when we are there.
I am off to plan the rest of the nutrition and drop off an offer.
Happy Thanksgiving to my fellow Canadians.

Where are YOU at?

Roughly 6 months ago we all started on a journey. I think for most of us the driving force was to lose weight.
We know now that there was much more attached to it but that was where we all began.
The common goal.
The truth was that we all needed to get ourselves back. The weight was a symtom not a cause.
So where are YOU at?
Are you further along? Have you made some progress?
Or are you back where you started?
For me everyday of the last 6 mo has been about more, about push.
Now I have not been pushing so hard as to wear myself down but enough to keep some forward motion.
We all made so much progress in the first 3 months that its hard to mark what happened in the next 3.
Interesting it seems much longer than only another 3. Its a great perspective actually.
I have been feeling like I have not made much progress in that "again" time but that too is perspective and one that is not accurate.
Somehow I expected myself to have a life changing transformation in the 12 weeks that followed.
Maybe not a realistic perception.
The other day Helen and Dana sent me thier 166 days . Remarkable changes in both.
I do not see it in myself yet others do so maybe all I need to worry about is forward motion.
Is it important that I reach a certain goal, one that I set based on hope rather than fact?
Or is it important that I keep reaching until I meet it?
An obvious answer when you step back and look at it.
So where am I at?
I am in forward motion. I do a workout between 4-6 days a week many of those  days I do 2 plus an hour walk.
I eat with awareness daily. Filling my body with nutrients it needs. I indulge with awareness, a few too may times I feel but what was once out of control is no longer so that is forward motion as well.
I wake at a set time and follow a routine. I daily make lists and complete a large portion of them.
I attempt to focus everyday.
Is everyday 100%? No, but some are and I get closer to my goals every day.
Last weekend I went to "art after dark" and posted the pictures.
Yesterday I went back and looked for the pictures that were taken at the last event I went to in March.
Yes, March pre-RTP. I of course did not take them a friend did. I saw them when she posted them in facebook. Fortunately no one realized who they were.
I took a long look at that woman and realized I have come a long way. The other thing I know is that while I have not hit my goal, I will and I also have no fear of going back.

So where ARE you at?
Are you eating with awareness. Nurturing your body to be healthy? Giving it something to sustain itself? Good food, reasonable exercise, as little stress as possible?
How's your emotional health?
Is not blogging working for you?
Its time for a 6 month check up.
I would love to hear from you, here or at everybody matters.

The common goal has not changed. If you think it has that's just an excuse.
I believe we can all maintain our goals and forward motion in a way that is not all consuming. But to do that you must participate.
What I know is that I will reach my goals, all of them. One day at a time.
Forward motion, c'mon.

This ones for Rachel

Sigh....................
I would rather not be writing this but Rachel would rather not be dealing with it either so there you go.
Rachel we love you.
Its odd really how close I feel to her. We've never met and yet the connection is strong.
One that has simply always been there.
We could not be more different in so many ways. Our lifestyles, our heritage, yet none of it matter.
It is all about the core of the person. Plus we share many disfunctions.

Now we share one more thing.
A diagnosis that takes you to your knees.
I know she will be fine. They caught it early, she has great support. A fabulous husband who is a doctor and will make sure nothing but the best will happen.
It will not be easy and the physical manifestations suck but they are survivable.

No, its the scar and the journey that concern me.
The emotional one.

You see, no matter how many or how deeply we care, this is a journey you take by yourself.

If you want to know the true meaning of terror, just let someone tell you that you have cancer.
I would do anything in the world to spare her of this.
I cannot, but the fixer in me struggles.......and cries.
I do not believe this type of thing happens for a reason. I think sometimes bad things happen and we are forced to deal with them.
Platitudes will get her nowhere at the moment.
 Only time.
Forward motion my friend, forward motion.

Doing the Work

This chapter in TSP deals with what it takes to reach your goals. Setting and visualizing your goals is highly important but at some time you need  to roll your sleeves up and do the work.
It is very easy to get into the writing and revising and dreaming but without work you will not get there.
Reaching your goals is going to come at a price and you need to take a good look at what that cost is.
Only you can decide what is right for you and the price you are willing to pay.
Sometimes the price is too high.
I was saying to Rachel the other day that for me I see the absorption it took for that first 90 days and that to sustain that for an unending period is just not worth it for most people.
I sometimes do not like that my progress is slower but I must dedicate my time to other things as well.
So while the price of the first 3 months was worth it to me, it no longer is.
That does not mean I will no attain my goal, it simply means it will be a slower process than I would like.
I think that this is something we all need to look at.
Don't give up on your goal, simply adjust your expectations as to when you will reach it.
It is much better to lose 2-3 lbs a month and take 10 months to lose it than to look back 10 months later and have lost nothing.
Once you start to achieve whatever your particular  goal is the next thing that happens is momentum.
That's the bonus. The momentum kicks in and it suddenly does not take all your will power.
Life is a series of negotiations. Just be sure you negotiate in your favour.