-59-16....and where did Cindi go?

As most of you know I have just progressed to week 5 of LP's OPT /remix.
I am happy to report the scale does appear to be making progress to the next decade ( down ..not up we are so DWT!!)
I really am in the last throws of that last 10 lbs and I think when you add in my age, menopause, the addition of estrogen my body has a few challenges to overcome to get to that next place.
What that means is digging a little deeper. Staying with the program and writing it all down.
It certainly has been the topic of conversation of late. I have found myself having conversations around this theme with Dana,Meri and Rachel. Its not what we eat that needs to change its our relationship with food. It has been a reward for is for far too long. It is the most disfunctional relationship all of us have and certainly is a common thread.
If you want to lose the weight you have to change your relating to food....Fact!
I was just telling Meri and Dana that one of the reasons I do not seem to be struggling with the extremity of this program is that I get that it may very well be my last.
Once these last 10 lbs are gone all I must do is maintain. And maintenance after living deficit for so long looks pretty simple to me.
Meris concern was about having the ability to stop after indulgence. Again it comes down to relationship.
Why am I so sure. Well I turned that corner about 2 months ago. I guess my first break that I took in August was a great reinforcement for me. I went off program for a week and had no trouble getting back into reasonable eating. I indulged but did not feel the desire to over indulge.
On the LP: program I am on you have reload days. These are a surplus of calories plus they consist primarily of Hi GI foods.
Very bizarre to be eating bagels and ones made with white flour.
These days are based around training and do not occur at regular intervals. The last one was 10 days ago and this week I have 2 together and then not another for another 15 days. So not something you get accustomed to. Which has a great impact on my thought process on indulging.
Needless to say I have to really think about what it is I am going to eat. This is not food normally in the house.
So this morning I made waffles complete with butter and syrup.Terrific but truly I really do not get hungry after something like that. When I cam back from the gym at 1:30 I realized I needed to eat again.
Hmmm what did I really want. I decided on a banana. Haaa really. Its been so long since I could enjoy a full banana that is what I wanted.
I added a bagel and a Tb of peanut butter and still have only eaten 1/2 my calories for the day and I have to do this again tomorrow.
I simply do not crave this stuff anymore. The fact is that for me it was simply emotional and somehow I deserved it.
The longer I go the more I see and the more I desire only one thing...clarity of mind.
There are not enough donuts in the world to replace the feeling of ease that I find,
I am tired of the hyper and the negative and the fear. I do  not want that to be my life.
I do not want to worry about my weight. I do not want to live in confusion.
The clarity comes from letting my body function at its best. Its so simple and we have heard it time and again but we resist.
You must see your relationship with food for what it is before anything in your life will change.
Once you do, everything will change.
We may not need to dig it all out, just resist the behavior for a while, long enough to feel the affect.
Weight loss 101: Deal with the disfunction.
Food will always be in your life,fact. Not one you can change. There is no other way.