-40 Choices and an explanation for Tom

For the last few months I have been fighting to get myself onto a dedicated program. I have stopped and started and there have been reasons but mostly a lot of excuses.
We live in Now so that's what we shall discuss.
I have made the decision to go RAW and am not struggling at all. I am fortunate to have a great HF store withiin walking distance and they carry everything you could want.
I also like I can get most of it in convenient open and serve. No thinking, no excuses.
I feel like I have been prepping for this 4 the last few weeks. I have even gone back and read some of my old SS blogs to see where I was at the same time last year.
I did so well on RTP and needed to remind myself why.

The why was I did not allow myself any excuses. I ate to the program, no questions or allowed cheats.
Its simple, make the choice and then do it.
Workouts were a struggle. Yes I had some injuries but I still could have been doing something.
I was feeling overwhelmed by the amount of time etc I had to dedicate and frankly was simply over thinking..
When I made the choice that I could do whatever I wanted, no formal program everything shifted.
No more internal arguments about no wanting to do this or that. I just had to go to the gym, ( down 4 flights of stairs, not exactly difficult). What I do when I get there is my choice. Walk run row weights. Just turn the tv on and do something for an hour. I also have had to remove my, well I planned to do it in the morning attitude and commit to just doing it sometime in the day. I have to do it, when is up to me.
Its working and ad the pic I took this morning in a bikini and we have MOTIVATION!
I think we all need to find what works for us. We all know enough now to make a program ours.
An explanation for Tom.
Tom asked about my BP and I will recap it for him. You can go now its just psycho babble from here on

Bi polar or Manic Depression.
For me its really about depression. Mind numbing, bottom of the barrel only leave the house to buy chocolate and the guy at the store does not comment on the fact you have not brushed your teeth, washed your hair in a week wearing your jamma;s depression.
I refuse to take meds so my crusade is to self manage. Mania for me has not occured for some time at least big blow mania. Mania is simply a way for the BP sufferer to pull themselves out of the depression.
Sunlight has a huge affect so SAD, seasonal disorder comes into play.
What that meant was come October I would begin the slide and by February I was barely leaving the house.
What I have discovered and proven is that if I eat properly and get some exercise daily I can control it.
I have been a full year in control. My conversation with my therapist about this winter was yes Jan & Feb were brutal but I was functioning at 80-90% when in the past I would have been functioning at 10-20%.
To say that this is a big win is a small statement. For me to quit a healthy lifestyle is a death sentence.
If I thought I had to go back to suffering that type of depression I would kill myself..
If you have more curiosity just read this blog backward.
Thanks for the question Tom. I believe that mental illness should be treated as any illness. It needs to come out of the closet and then people can find alternative to Big brother Pharmaceutical..
Soap box back in storage.