We are back

If you read this you will notice a large gap in time. I was blogging daily on a private site. So I have not missed days just not been using my blog.
I will be blogging daily and using this site.
Where am I?.
My life has not been this in balance, well possibly ever but certainly not for at least 15 years.
What I have discovered about myself in the last 163 days is that I function at 100% if I incorporate structure into my life.
The 2 biggest peices are nutrition and exercise. My body does not function without these things in place daily. I may be able to vary this but only occasionally.

This food issue is a bit of a revelation for me.
I truly have adjusted my thinking.
My issues with food I believe came from a sense of denial. When I was restrictive I would break, leading to weeks of bad eating or a binge.
I know recongnise that I need to fuel my body and that I can do so without feeling deprived.
I am currently on a deficit but select the foods I eat carefully to ensure they are things I enjoy. Frankly I denied myself food all the time so eating was never a pleasure. So the joy is I eat well and never feel bad about it.
I plan my food and portions and eat the same thing regularily. This is my bodies fuel.
Occassionally I engage in emotional eating, not overeating but eating or drinking something for the pure pleasure of it or the company I am sharing.
This I do with full awareness. WHat that means is I do it intentionally and with full awareness. I also do it knowing it is an occasion and stops at that one meal or occasion. This stops me from going off the rails.
Before because I felt guilty I would be in the mindset of "bad cindi" and end up in that bad place, usually with a chocolate smear to be found somewhere.
Last night Meri asked me if I intended to eat this way always. Yes I said.
You see I have realised that if I do not wish to be constantly gaining and losing that controls must be in place. I realize too this is the difference between us and them. Them being the folks that seem to have their weight under control. The fact is they do have it under control. They are aware, we have just wanted to beleive it was different.
The reasons we feel this way are no doubt attached to some emotion or hurt. That too is not news. Its also not that simple.
So for me this is a huge win.
I get up everyday with the expecation to fuel my body. It keeps my weight and mood where it belongs. Plus I now actually enjoy my indulgences.
Certainly a revalation for me.