-84

Well I missed blogging for a few days but no matter I am still on track.
The scale keeps moving in a downward direction and that makes me happy.
Dana and I were discussing where we were on our weight goals the other day.
Obviously that fact that we are going to be on the beach in less than 40 days kinda brings up the fact we need to get at it.
My weight has fluctuated around the same number for  months now. Certainly I can see some change in my body but truthfully since I quit doing RTP and started Turbo my weight loss has not been great.
So it is time to step to the plate. I still do not put too much creedence in the scale but I am at the starting weight from when I got my go wear. It was exactly 2 months ago and 1 month ago I was 1.4 lbs less so a tune up is required.
I have continued to work out and eat clean but not clean enough to move the weight.
The point of all this rambling is that to lose weight I need a regimented program. I need to write down every calorie and focus on it. The small off plans may not cause me to gain weight but they certainly prevent me from losing.
And then there is the added side affect of eating the wrong foods, well wrong for me.
Sugars and carbs do nothing for me. They heighten my level of anxiety, make it more difficult for my body to try and balance my brain plus they add to the issue of my weight.
Interesting. Interesting that I still consider eating them. It reminds me of smoking. Knowing its harmful but doing it anyway.
I ponder this as I watch Rachel struggle with her health issue. Really I think, how difficult is for me to stay on track when I do not have anything but minor stresses in my life.
We all say we want more, to be more and to live better. Truly its no wonder we struggle to reach these goals when we lack the willpower to not eat candy.
It reminds me of a conversation Rachel and I had when she was on vacation this summer. I said we were like children. Haaa she responded children with crack habits.
Really, I am so deprived in my life that I need to eat ice cream or whatever the heck it is.
I just wonder at all the silly self sabotoging. I have dealt with huge issues and stresses in my  life and know this is the big challenge?
Why do we have such a tendency to manufacture stress into our lives.
I need to ponder that and remove it from  my life.
I have the simplest life one could have, why do I continue to make it complicated.
And finally the important stuff, Rachel.
Her surgey is a week today. Truthfully she will feel better when its done and her life is simply a series of getting through the days till then.
Tonight they tell the children. I know you all feel as I do reading that. There are some things in life you would spare a person if you could. This is certainly one of them.
So keep our dear Rachel in your heart, thoughts and prayers. And if you have children, do something special with them tonight and as you do, recall what you are not facing.
Rach: stay strong GF.
C