Self Sabatoge?? just maybe!

So after a torturous few days or maybe week Yesterday was finally better.
The little voice finally gave me a break and I was able to have a peaceful day.
Now here is what is interesting. I cleaned my car.
Really was that the solution? Well maybe it was.

I believe that my being inactive leads to my brain being overactive. I try to shut the little voice up but it simply comes raging back.
Yesterday I began the task of my car and by the time I was done there was quiet in my head. Does this little resolved scenario pop in to visit still, yes but I can shut it up.
So what happened and what does it mean?
I think that inactivity allows the depression to seep in and the depression brings little voice with it. Add any uncomfortable scenario, real or imagined and I have a problem.
So why self sabotage?
Well since March of last year I have been advocating how much better I felt when I worked out daily and ate a healthy diet. It took me from not coping to coping over a period of 3 months.
Past that I had it, nailed it and was good to go.
So what just happened?
Well I have been slacking. It started in September I think when I left my accountability behind. It was a slow slide but a slide non the less. Several reasons but that is no excuse.
I need to do a few things in order to stay in control and the first thing is to stop the BS of I don't need to.
In the last weeks I have listened to my friends talk about how they have not been in control and I got a bit cocky. Ha, I thought. I've got it. I have not gained or gone off the deep end. And somewhere in there started to give myself permission to do just that.
I am not going to take myself into the million reasons why and should and could. No value in that.
I am simply getting back on the Horse. The one I need to ride daily.
I chose not to take Drugs. The other side of that is I must workout and eat properly.
The last days have been tough, I have ridden that edge. You know the one. Where living with BP is not an option and therefore the option is to not live at all. When you start to hear that little voice giving you advice from the dark side you know its time to shake it once and for all.
Does Christmas depress me? Possibly but the bigger question is could I have avoided it but sticking with the program. Probably.
Self sabotage comes in many forms with BP. Those on meds quit taking them. Seems someone who uses an alternative has the same option.
DWT 
I have come too far to do this to myself. There is no excuse and I refuse to give myself one.
2010 is the year I am going to nail in so many ways.
I may stumble but I will not fall. I have gotten this far by sheer determination and I will not stop myself now.
I questioned the reasons for doing Yoga daily. There is no question, its what a sane person would do.
I am back on track and plan to stay there for as many days as possible. The rest of my life would be the goal.
People do things daily, I need to become that.
Deep breathe and forward motion.
I'll be fine and Yes I can.